Saturday, December 23, 2006

new year

New year.

One of my resolutions for 2007 is to make another CD. I think its been 2 years since I've made a serious effort to start and finish something. I was hoping to put out a CD of electronic music last fall, but getting married, home, work and school pretty much stopped that from happening. I managed to make some remix attempts of some songs that my friend Dan made- but anything original hasn't really happened in a long time. So this year is it.

Why haven't I made anything? Aside from the 30 second songs I make up to belittle my siblings and wife, I haven't had any interest in making a CD again. There's a serious amount of effort and commitment involved to make a great project a reality. I didn't really have the equipment either- (Where did my mixer go?? BRANDEN!!) and I'd honestly much rather contribute to a project that was almost finished anyway.

The moral of the story is that I was lazy or busy. Or both.

New music, new songs in 2007.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Tuesday, December 5, 2006


I hate cell phones. I hate losing them, breaking them, and paying for them. Every year a new phone comes out that makes yours look obsolete, except it isn't. Phones were made to send and receive phone calls. Now phones can manage your emails, take pictures, play mp3's games and videos, organize your schedule, and fit in your pocket (sorta). Depending on how much you spend you could one that does all of these to a various degree. But it seems like there isn't a phone that can do all of them well.

I hate cell phones. Every time I go out to eat an apathetic teenager at the counter is texting away on a stupid cell phone. People swerve and lose focus while driving with a stupid phone hooked to their ear. Kids bring cell phones to elementary school. People snap pictures of celebrities and upload them to the internet. It seems like anyone can call anyone at any time of the day.

An electronic leash: what a great invention.

Saturday, December 2, 2006


Is downloading music addictive? When millions of people used Napster to share mp3's it did something. It degraded the value of music. Even after Napster died, paying for mp3's seemed like a joke. Ripping a CD takes what? A few minutes? After the files had been encoded they barely take up any space at all. The downloading hysteria caused by Napster made people think that songs were worth next to nothing because of the ease of passing mp3's around. One song from a album isn't enough. Especially if the artist or group has a large catalog to pick from. Some groups like Metallica, Led Zepplin, and the Beatles have left their catalogs off the internet to preserve some control over what they've made. But even this is short lived , and eventually everyone gives in to the internet monster.

Saturday, November 25, 2006


A common belief in Utah Valley: Once you pass the Point of the Mountain you step into another world. A wicked, evil, world. Despite blindly unified political convictions, most folks in YewTawh believe where you went to school defines who you are. I'm not really talking about any particular University here, it goes deeper than that- High Schools, Elemetary schools... Bragging rights are more important than diplomas or degrees, and having the right Alma matter is all that matters.

For example: If someone asks, "Dude, uh.. where did you go to high school?"

The Correct answer would be "Lonepeak or Skyline High," NOT "American Fork or Lehi."

Being taught at such a crappy school is a stigma that lasts forever, so fibbing about where you went is more important. Inventing a high school with a cool name could work too, as long as no one can recognize it. If all else fails just say "Mountain View High" because every state has like 10 of 'em, and even if the person asking went to a Mountain View High, they won't recognize you now because you're so fat. Instead of agonizing over who went where, the more important question is "What the heck did you learn?" or "Are you a complete idiot?!"

Rivalries can tear families apart- so picking a neutral school like UVSC, Weber, or Snow can help. These schools have no real sports programs or rivalries to worry about. The only reason people go to these schools is so they can transfer to BYU or the U at a later time. Even if there were a team or something to brag about, with a record of 1-12 who would care? Not BYU. Not the U.

Don't go to the U. Don't believe what the Y tells you. Its just a game. Get over it.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


My wife is violently ill. Its probably food poisoning from this fake Mexican restaurant up the road. I don't even know why she likes to eat there. I don't know why she likes to eat out- she always orders the same simple salad with a small side of ranch. It doesn't matter what style of restaurant we eat at... Its always the same salad. I don't think its E-coli. Lets be honest, she'd be dead by now. But I have the incredible opportunity of taking care of all the chores that we have hanging around here. The dishes can wait... I have laundry to do.

I don't do the laundry, apparently when I got married that job was delegated to my wife. I got all the sucky jobs like:

1. Dish detail
2. Garbage removal
3. Sweeping
4. Cleaning Toilets
5. Insect removal
6. Snack Maker
7. Accountant
8. Car washer
9. Computer Specialist
10. Personal Masseur

and the list goes on...

I don't care about doing the laundry. But I'm not as particular as Natalie with my clothes. In my opinion you can just wad up some clothes that kinda have the same color and wash 'em. Supposedly you can't do that with girl clothes. I'm sure that it doesn't really matter. Oh well. I'm not the one who turned all of my white shirts pink (I was so pissed).

I don't know how mush longer I can take this whole sick thing...

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


I'm asleep. It was really early in the morning and I hear that Natalie got up to get a drink. No big deal, and in my comatose state I really couldn't tell if she were a robber, a robot, or what. I was really tired. I'm asleep and I turn over and then I feel something. I was like... "Hmmm... hey... what's that?" I swear I've felt that feeling before... Then I was like... "Hey... that feels like something sharp... no.. wait... its something... really... COLD!!"

My thoughts went back to a time when I was camping up in the Sawtooth mountains in Idaho. We had pitched a camp around 10000 ft. and there was still a lot of snow up there considering it was summer. My tent was really cold that night and as I got into my sleeping bag I pushed my feet down to the bottom of the sleeping bag. It really felt like I was dipping my feet into a frozen lake of death because the bottom half of the bag was wet. I was cold and miserable the entire night.

As I sat there in bed and realized what was happening I turned around and felt the bed... cold and wet. Apparently Natalie had gone to get some water to drink and then she brought the cup with her in bed and promptly fell asleep! She turned over and dumped the whole cup of ice water down my back leaving a small lake of water where I should have been sleeping!

"Hey!! There's water here!!!"

"What? Huh? Oh.... sorry."

"There a puddle of water in the bed!!!!"

I'm still mad. I don't think I'll ever let this one down.

Monday, November 13, 2006


A couple days ago...

The smell from the kitchen wouldn't go away. Weeks of dirty dishes were piled up high in the sink and around the kitchen counter tops. Mold and bacteria were enjoying a unimaginable lifespan that made a furry metropolis from a saucepan of leftover sauce, or possibly soup or something. Aerosol spray that masked the odor was useless, it was quickly over powered by the smell of rotting dishes. I'm not sure how we neglected to do the dishes, but after work and school both of us were really tired and scrubbing putrid sticky food off of dishes was the last thing either of us wanted to do.

I got creative as our clean dish supply started to diminish. We bought paper plates and cups that replaced the dirty ones in the sink. Measuring bowls and spoons were used for cereal. Cups were used as bowls, and I rarely made trips to the kitchen. We started to eat out more. Ignoring the problem would make it disappear. My wife would gag and fake barf every time she stepped into the kitchen and vowed never to return again. I admit, either some poor animal had the misfortune of getting trapped under a pile of dishes in the sink, or the smell was either getting worse.

Scraping green fuzzy mold from anything will make your nose start to twitch. It was bittersweet to watch an entire bacteria colony get washed down the drain. I'm sure if I had a microscope I'd probably be able to see some cool looking mold formations, and all sorts of interesting stuff that makes my wife barf. Though the dishes are all clean now, I'm sure there will be more opportunities to watch bacterial worlds collide in the near future.

Thursday, November 9, 2006


I voted. Yes.. I voted during this Midterm Election, not because I wanted to, but because my wife made me. It was a sad election for the GOP, and the Democrats have taken control of both houses of Congress. Republican's are kicking themselves now...

Those electronic voting machines aren't as bad as the media makes them out to be. I'm sure it'll take a few elections before they work out all the bugs or until a virus totally destroys voting results. I can't really see how someone would be able to tamper with election results, but hey- that's always been part of Democracy. I put my wife's name as a write in candidate six times because most of the local elections had no opposition. That's pure Democracy in action right there.

I'm a registered red Republican, and that's why I wasn't surpised by the outcome of the election that much. The Demos have their cake- let them eat it. I'm actually glad that there was a big ol' change over there in Washington D.C. The icing on the cake was Rumsfeld's resignation as Secretary of Defense. Wham! It makes me laugh that insurgent groups in Iraq claim that they made Rumsfeld resign... ??? Did they vote too? Bad people that vote? That's an Axis of Evil.

I glad there's change. But I'm sick of seeing Nancy what's her face on the Tv all the time.

Tuesday, October 24, 2006


My wife is the best because she bought me pizza.

The End.

Monday, October 16, 2006

Ren and Stimpy

Ren and Stimpy was one of the best cartoons to air during the nineties. The show was aired on Nickelodeon and pushed the limits of children's programming- and introduced many memorable characters like Powdered Toast Man, Old Man Hunger, and Reverend Jack Cheese. Eventually Nickelodeon fired the original creator, John Kricfalusi, and censored the show's creative control. There were episodes that were shortened and some that never even aired. Mtv and Spike TV played episodes of the series a few years ago, and DVD's are available. The show can be seen on the Nicktoons Tv Channel.

Kricfalusi's career credits also include the short lived Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures, a series that also ran in the early nineties- After the end of Might Mouse, the show was a springboard for writers, directors and artists that made or contributed to other shows such as Animaniacs, Tiny Toons Adventures, Batman: The Animated Series, and The Simpsons. Kricfalusi went on to produce short commercials for Cartoon Network, and music videos for Bjork, Tenacious D, and Weird Al.

Kricfalusi's blog can be found at

Thursday, October 5, 2006


Johann Gutenberg. He is credited with inventing the printing press with movable type (even though the Chinese really did about 200 years prior). By 1455 probably made around180 copies of the Bible. Some copies of his Bible survive today, five of which are in the United States. Printing made books easier to make, and considerably less labor intensive. This cut down the time it took to copy the Bible by hand by years. The printed bibles still had some degree of personalization- illuminated texts and drawings were common, as well as markings for oral readings. Printing could spread information faster- and was met with some resistance at first. Those with large libraries believed that printed books would bring down the value of hand copied manuscripts. Printing was not so popular in societies where calligraphy was important, such as the Middle East and Asia. The press increased literacy and education throughout Europe and was a vehicle to the diffusion of ideas. Printing presses were found throughout Europe by the end of the 15th Century.

Modern methods of printing can make millions of sheets in a day, and printing with moveable type is a rare art. Published books, magazines and newspapers are a part of life now. Bookstores offer coffee and muffins as well as the New York Times Bestseller. Turtlenecked jerks with soul patches recommend their favorite books, and fat sweaty guys play chess against each other. Bookstores offer much more than just books, and the credit goes to Gutenberg.

If books were as popular as Grand Theft Auto, then stupid kids would read more.

A digital copy of the Gutenberg Bible and more information can be found at

Monday, October 2, 2006


The ends justify the means.

Lets build a fence around Mexico!

meh... it's time to play Warcraft.

Tuesday, September 19, 2006


'Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and then you shall find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.'

Telling muslims that their religion teaches violence will make them angry. In defense they burn churches and cause violent protests to prove such assumptions are incorrect.

Does that make sense?

Islam lacks self control. Radical extremists continue to brainwash others with visions of paradise and glory. This fictional holy war only spreads violence, intolerance, sexism and death. The majority of Islam feels discriminated against by governments, liberal media, and the bad name they get from suicidal martyrs.

I think its hard to be Muslim now. Islam is a changing religion, and it isn't what it was 1,000 years ago.

Monday, September 18, 2006

copy cat

I'm taking a page from Branden, there are some things that must go:

1. Lame 3 page essays that my professors require every two weeks. As if I didn't have enough spare time between classes and work. All my time is spent reading and writing papers on politcal ideology or some place where this guy blew up. It often seems like busy work to me. The only thing I can think of is that my professors want to weed out the weak first year students.

2. Cold apartment. My apartment got really cold over the weekend and the heater isn't hooked up yet. My landlords went to Hawaii, and haven't come back yet so me and my wife are freezing. Well. Not me. Just her. I don't want to think about winter yet.

3. People that argue with me at work. I'm just following the rules buddy- I hate to be the bearer of bad news. People think that if they raise their voices or whine enough they can get away with murder. At a financial institution we have rules and regulations, when you signed your membership agreement you agreed to all the fees and crap that you got because you can't manage your money at all.

4. Traffic in Lehi. I've found a way to get around it, but seriously- if it takes 10 minutes to get through town there is obiously something wrong with transportation between Eagle Mtn, and all the other towns out there. I have to take alternate routes just to get around to work and school. Come on!

5. Big ugly dudes in Hummers. Really... everyone knows that they are over compensating for something else...

Thursday, August 31, 2006

nintendo junkie

While I'm still thinking about Nintendo...

I'm excited for the Wii system that Nintendo is going to release. I haven't really played a Nintendo system since N64, and to be honest I almost liked the GameCube. Playstation has really taken over the game console market and their games were just better in my opinion. It seemed that poor Nintendo just wasn't doing so well against Xbox, and PS2...

But the new Wii is looking very awesome. Not only will it come with a variety of new games, the console has an online service that lets you download games from previous Nintendo consoles, Sega Genesis and TurboGrafx-16. The new Wii has WiFi connectivity and an Opera Browser to surf the internets, and wirelessly supports the Nintendo DS. The remote style controller connects to Wii via Bluetooth, and functions with the directional pad as well as physical movement. The controller has a small integrated speaker on it as well (to give it some depth.. I've heard). I've seen pictures of a Shotgun style Zapper too!

While I don't think the Wii system will be the best console out there a few years from now, I think that Nintendo will win back some of their old fans with some of the features that this system has to offer. I just want to play all of the older games all over again.


So Chiptune music. Have you heard of it? I'm sure most people have heard the Nintendo remixes of Beck's new album. Chiptune is music created using 8-bit computers and game consoles like the NES, and Commodore 64. There are lots of chiptune artists on as well as or the record lable This music reminds me of my love for old Nintendo games. Some of the music is quite sophistocated in its... 8-bit sort of way.

When writing music I often feel the limitations are what inspire composers to write interesting music. These days with any musician with computers and unlimited tracks and effects can make music that sounds very stale, too crowded and over-processed. Chiptune music is usually limited by itself: 4 tracks of sound, one square wave, a triangle wave, a sawtooth wave and a white noise track. While some may argue that chiptune is a lame repetitive music style, I say that it is an important part of electronic music culture. Electronic music contains such a wide variety of sounds and influences- its hard to classify a single type. Chiptune however has taken the limited tracks and produced a unique catchy sytle of retro music. That is awesome.

Some chiptune artists worth listening to:

Bit shifter

Koji Kondo - the man behind the music of Super Mario Bros. and The Legend of Zelda, as well as many other games over the past 20 years. A classically trained musician, many of his game themes have been played by symphony orchestras.

Wednesday, August 23, 2006

return again

I went back to school today.

All my classes were cool enough. I was startled by a few minor details, and disgusted with what I saw. The school is too crowded to start. Every year a new cycle of teenie freshman start their collegate career, making the already congested hallways impossible to navigate. Everyone is yelling at someone else. If you can get through the hall you can be sure it's because of stupid student government handing out popsicles to reduce global warming.

I feel old. One of my classes is full of little kids fresh from highschool. Everyone looks like they are 17. Two girls have braces. I feel bad for our professor. I should have taken the class six years ago, and I haven't been able to until now. Ugh. I feel so old. I will never graduate.

Two of my classes require four books each. Most of my free time will be spent reading this semester. When I'm not reading about something you can bet I'll be writting an essay or researching something. My math class doesn't require a book (which is odd), and was cancelled today because my teacher didn't want to come to school. My geology teacher is funny, probably because he knows no one really is interested in geology.

I don't know anyone. I don't care.

Friday, August 18, 2006

dumb Tv

My head hurts.

So we got sattellite television the other day. We have 130 channels at the touch of a button. Its funny because I seem to watch the same ten channels. I don't really care for those crap channels like the Women's Entertainment, or BET. I wake up in the morning, watch Most Extreme Video on Spike TV and change between that and some shark show or documentary on Discovery Channel. Cartoon Network is Awesome. Saturday Night Live reruns on E! are great to watch. MTV sucks now. TLC also has some good programs.

My head hurts.

I don't like to watch TV. I really hate it because there are better things to do besides sitting in front of the tube. Here's a list of things I could do besides watching TV:

1. paint a picture
2. read a book
3. eat another meal
4. wash my new car
5. hike a freakin mountain
6. clean the living room
7. do the stinkin' dishes
8. scratch myself
9. prank call my wife
10. make a killer electronic music CD
11. organize my CDs
12. unpack stuff
13. GPS some crap
14. do my laundry
15. make a snack
16. get the mail
17. steal food from my parent's house
18. call dan
19. think about stuff
20. pray towards Mecca

So I guess there are a few things I can do. I just end up watching TV instead.

Must... fight... Tv... can't ... let it ... win...

Monday, August 14, 2006


The other night my friends and I were locked in eternal combat while playing The Game of Thrones. Well not really, but the game lasted like over 3 hours, and by the time it ended I was happy that I lost. Why do people make games with 500 rules? Does it really make the game better? I'll play again, but I'd rather dust off my Magic cards and make the biggest geek deck ever.


I borrowed a Cat Stevens CDs for the ride to work this morning. He converted to Islam a long time ago and realeased an album of kids songs to help them learn more about Islam. I don't know why I'm in a Cat Stevens mood right now, but I can't get Peace Train out of my head.


Friday, August 11, 2006

books can kill

I haven't been doing much lately- besides working all the time. I've been reading some interesting books lately...

I picked up a book entitled: Guns, Germs, and Steel: The Fates of Human Societies by Jared Diamond. I saw this book at a bookstand in the Denver Airport as we were returning from our honeymoon. The book gives a run down of all the different variables that made Civilization possible from pre-history till the time of European global conquest. Everything from epidemic diseases, food production, and warfare is examined to explain the advantages certain societies had instead of others. From what I've read so far, this book makes understanding the why? and how? of world history a little easier. Oh, and he won the Pulitzer Prize for this book. Great read so far.

I picked up another book called The Fifth Mountain by Paulo Coelho. Author of the international bestseller The Alchemist, this book describes the flight of Elijah as he discovers his personal strengths as a prophet of God. I read this book a couple of years ago, and wanted to read it again. I'm a fan of the Old Testament and this book paints with vivid imagry a powerful story.
Another great find.

Books books books. On top of that I've been watching Reading Rainbow reruns on PBS. There is a small voice inside somewhere that keeps telling me to write a children's book someday. I like Reading Rainbow because it tries to prove that kids may actually like to go the local library or bookstore and read something instead of playing Nintendo till their brains have internal bleeding. That, and watching 80's kids cracks me up. I'm a big Levar Burton fan.

I think PBS left subliminal messages in my brain so I would return to watching their programming. They do that so I can force my kids to watch that stuff and make annual pledges of $50 or more so I can continue to watch quality programming.

I'm bored.

Wednesday, August 2, 2006


So I got married a few days ago. Here are some of the subtle differences:

Sleeping with someone, and always being with someone.
Most financial purchase require approval of the opposing marital partner.
Not only are my clothes and stuff spread around the apartment, but her stuff adds another geologic layer to the clutter.
My wife doesn't like my music.
Interests such as video games or rock concerts are out of the question.
Time spent reading is time spent not loving the wif.
She doesn't like to be called the "wif."

I'm open to change.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

heat wave

Its too hot outside. Let's be honest here. I'm sick of the triple digit heat wave that's swept across the US. Ever since Al Gore's stupid movie came out the weather is getting worse and worse. I think we're in for some wicked weather this year, mark my words. Until then, expect this super heat wave to increase tension on the highways and melt anything inside your car. The other day I discovered a nasty smell in my car that was found to be coming from a half empty cup of chocolate shake that I had purchased a few days earlier. My fiance melted a wax candle on one of the seats in her car. I break a sweat thinking about it. I can't sleep anymore at night because the heat makes me so tired all day long. The heat is giving me ulcers. The heat made me forget to send out wedding invitations. Oh well.

I can blame the heat on a lot of things.

Monday, July 17, 2006

the crap weekend

So there I was.. half naked and sitting on a cold metal slab waiting for the technician to take an x-ray of my stomach. After a few minutes of waiting I was told to lay down as I the slab moved skyward and a large robotic camera device hummed loudly. Test results came back negative.

The next day I called in sick with minor stomach pain. On the way to the doctor's office I felt a sudden incredible pain that shot through my stomach into my back. I couldn't breath it hurt so bad. Finding a comfortable position was impossible as I yelled at my mother to drive freaking faster. At the doctors office I was asked to give a urine sample, and while I was standing in the restroom thinking about it, I vomited instead. The pain was getting worse and worse.

A desicion was made. They put me in the hospital overnight. By the time I arrived at my room I was delierious from the pain. An IV drip was stuck in my left hand and once the morphine kicked in I was happy as could be. After falling asleep and puking a few more times, I felt pretty good. My family came in to visit me and it really wasn't so bad. I ended up sleeping the rest of the day. The next morning they said I was free to go so I went home and haven't had any problems since. Bizarre.

They never found that kindney stone.

Wednesday, July 5, 2006


Going to the hospital sucks...

(to be continued)

Thursday, June 29, 2006

arts and crafts

Last night some friends and I got together to have a super art night. Its been a long time since the previous Art Night 2005. My friends are really artsy and have their house decorated with various assorted paintings and mixed media awesomeness. Watercolors is my weapon of choice but last night I decided to make the plunge into the world of oil paints. Coming from the world of watercolors I didn't really have a clue how to mix the goopey greasey oil paint into proper shades... I ended up deciding on two small paintings.

The first subject was taken from a RollingStone magazine- Its the avacado cover from the new Pearl Jam record. I'm trying to study the way light and shape works so a fruit or something works out great. The avocado turned out pretty good. Mixing the paint to get the right shades and colors wasn't that hard I guess.

Then I went ahead and painted a tomato. It looked pretty good. The background was textured and was mildly interesting. In both of the paintings I used opposite colors to make the subject stand out from the background. It was a good experiment.

I guess I'll post pictures of them once they dry.

new news

So the US Supreme Court just back handed President Bush with a 5-3 ruling which says military trials would be illegal at Guantanamo Bay Prison and violate the Geneva Convention. So what does the future hold for the 450 prisoners held at Gitmo?

Bush has stated, "I’d like to close Guantanamo." But he added, "I also recognize that we’re holding some people that are darn dangerous."

In a world that's so darn dangerous finding a place to stash all those forgien terrorists is getting harder and harder. Every time another reporter finds another sercret CIA prison abroad, it gets harder to put the Axis of Evil somewhere.

The minority dissent was extremely critical of the ruling saying it would undermine the President's ability to fight against terrorism. While the majority complained that "Congress has not issued the executive a 'blank check'." This will inevitably cause more international critisizm of the President and his Administration's policies. But that leads me to believe that the majority opinion may have been influenced by the monetary circumstances and not the principle of what is really happening in Cuba.

The status of the Guantanamo Prison facility isn't clear, and the ruling did nothing to state whether it should be shut down or not. From what I've read about the prison, those detained are treated fairly well and given every oppurtunity to worship according to their beliefs. But then there are other reports that over shadow that description. Three detainees have just commited suicide (unthinkable in Islam), and hunger strikes are common protests. Most of the prisoners are in their twenties, a few are just teenagers. Many of the prisoners are scheduled for release, but some still face more time while being charged for no crime.

What will happen to Gitmo? It will probably stay. Bush will be criticized even more, but not much will change. Another disaster could prompt justification for such facility. But who knows. I would expect that this ruling will do little to stop what Bush wants at the moment.

Update: 07/11/06

According to the Assosciated Press today, Bush announced that the US would extend basic Geneva Convention protection to those held captive at Guantanamo Bay.

Wednesday, June 28, 2006


Why is a good sandwich so hard to come by? I've gone to every establishment around my living vicinity and I've come to some interesting conclusions. I still have a few more options, but I doubt there would really be any differences or incredible innovations that would really persuade me to try them. Here's the run down:

Ernie's Sports Deli (the one in Provo): typically great sandwiches- they basically stole the sport deli atmosphere commonly seen at Gandolfo's. You know, big screen TV's with a Yankee's game blaring and tons of sport memorabilia crap covering the walls. The great thing about that place is the unique menu that they offer which is slightly different than the average sandwich place. The downside is the horrible service from the teenage stoners that work behind the counter. If it didn't take 40 minutes of being ignored or hearing "heh, sorry for the wait dude." I'd eat there more often. I wrote a nasty letter to the manager after a particularly bad experience, but am too lazy to send it. I am not the only one who feels that way.

Sensuous Sandwich: I've only been there once and found that the sandwich wasn't that bad. The only downside was that they wrapped it weird and it disintegrated when I tried to open it up at home. It's a smaller place that specializes in those huge 12 foot long party subs and catering. Most of the workers there are teenage blonde girls and that may explain why the place seems busy. If I worked for the Health Department I would question the sanitary condition once I walked through the door. If I was sixteen and single I'd eat there everyday.

Quizno's: It seems like this franchise is gaining in popularity because I see these restaurants all over the place now. I've found that I can expect the same sandwich and the same type of treatment at any Quizno's. Their menu is pretty good, the sandwiches are pretty big, and the price is a little on the expensive side. All in all I feel like I have to be in a Quizno's mood to actually go there.

Subway: I seem to see those Jon Lovitz commercials every fifteen minutes. Unfortunately they do little to make me want to set foot inside a Subway restaurant. I don't know what I have against Subway, but ever since they decided to start making Fruizles (aka: crap smoothie) it seemed like they got gimmicky. Then in order to keep up with Quizno's they had to bring in toasting machines to make their cold boring sandwiches toasty. I can't remember the last time I ate at Subway, but I think I'd call the health department on this one too if I had the chance.

Good Earth; Junkies Cafe: They have a cafe type deal in the corner of the grocery store. The sandwiches are those healthy type picnic sandwiches you'd see at Magleby's Fresh or at Kneader's. The smoothies there are very good as well, just expect to pay a little more for it. And then you might have to wait, and wait, and wait... It seems that the same pierced feminist lesbian vegans eat there everyday, and every hemophiliac in Utah county is addicted to the organic goodness available here.

Kneader's: The sandwiches are comparable to Good Earth's. They look like sandwiches you could make at home if you had the time an all the left over ingredients to put it together except now you pay $7.00 for it. I guess there are some artisan breads and pastries available but I usually don't eat that with a sandwich. When you walk into a Kneader's beware: there are lots of arts and crafty type stuff every where and you've run into a Mormon Housewives Gossip Epicenter. Not really my bag I guess.

Gandolfo's: One thing I've noticed about Gandolfo's is their huge menu. If you don't like what you see just make up a sandwich, the sky is the limit. Their breakfast sandwiches are very good and a great deal. I've noticed that the prices have been going up lately, and I blame high gas prices for this. Expect the same sports memorabilia to distract you from eating. Probably my favorite sandwich place at this point in time mainly because I can eat a different sandwich every day and actually enjoy it. If any of Gandolfo's competitors could copy something, it should be a menu with variety. Who cares about sport's crap, anyone can get a sandwich at a sport's bar. Gandolfo's is just good food.

Hogi Yogi: is crap.

Besides the usual menus offered elsewhere it seems that every fast food chain has got to take a swing at the sandwich niche. Wendy's now offers those wierd mushroom looking frescata sandwiches, and while they may appear appetizing on television, they don't look that good in person. Arby's has some new sandwich offerings on the menu but when I took a bite all I could taste was the mustard. They had drentched my sandwich in Dijon mustard! Unthinkable!! I've noticed a restaurant called The Italian Place on State St. but I once saw it surrounded by police officers, so... I'm not sure if I want to eat there.

If there are more sandwich places out there I haven't been too motivated to go try them out.

Thursday, June 15, 2006


I'm getting married in a few weeks. Getting ready for a wedding is kind of like planning a coordinated military strike force. You have to determine where to attack and how to do it. Figuring out what kind of cake, dresses, invitations, tuxes and menu items are just the tip of the ice berg. Being the groom, I just hope to be pointed in the right direction and say the right name. I don't think I've done much, and much to my amazement, after a long day of running around my fiance told me we were pretty much done. What? Really? Ok.

One of the last things that we ended up doing was touring our new prospective apartment. "new" is an understatement. Some friends of ours had just purchased an old house so they could fix it up. It has a lot of potential. The house we are moving into was built in 1898 and is currently under total renovation. All the carpets were torn up to reveal a trap door on the first floor that went down to a dirt and stone foundation. Three layers of linoleum was torn up from the kitchen floors. After removing a closet our friends found out that the current ceiling was not the original and that someone had lowered the ceiling a foot and a half. Why? No one knows. There are two front doors which suggest that it may have been a duplex at one time. A doorway was converted into a closet, which sticks out about 5 inches into a hallway.

The back half of the house is an obvious addition. Who ever owned it must have decided to add more rooms whenever it was convenient. There are pipes and electrical wires that criss cross and intersect between rooms. Going upstairs reveals narrow doorways a couple of rooms. In the back of a closet is a door that opens up to an unfinished crawl space. The top of an old chiminey is visible in the darkness and you can see where they broke off the top and roofed over where it should have stuck out. I assume the fireplace got bricked over. Other chiminey had a similar fate at the other end of the house. A few windows have been bricked over. There are some more little secret doors around the house that are either small closets or lead to more unfinished crawl spaces full of old insulation and trash. Most of the interesting fixtures and door handles are under layers of paint that need to be removed. An unique house indeed.

The back yard has a small building that was used for storing coal and a storm cellar. The cellar was full of jars of preserves and cans of things. But the room is too small, making me wonder if the other half of the room was walled over a long time ago. The basement of the house is similar with odd cinderblock walls blocking entry to another part of the basement. Exploring all of these rooms make me wonder if someone will find treasure or a skeleton or a hidden time capsule somewhere. Maybe a ghost or two.

I'm excited to move there- my fiance is too as long as I don't try to frighten her with ghost stories. The house should look pretty awesome once the renovation is finished. I'm excited to move into a different apartment. We're getting new furniture and will have access to the hot tub and the trampoline in the back yard. Old houses are cool because they have so much history to them. I have a friend that lives in a house that was made in the 1600's.. just thinking that far back blows my mind.

Thursday, May 25, 2006

the small version

Researchers say that millions of dollars of revenue every year are wasted on employee's use of the internet and email while on the job. The internet has revolutionized the way we work today, and most employers have had to find ways to curb renegade usage of their employees. Most instant messengers, access to sites such as, and other sites are limited in order to improve productivity at the office. When employees are compromising office network security by opening email attachments, it can be a serious situation. So many offices block site all together. Job termination can and does result from misuse of the internet.

Does that solve anything? Will big brother always be looking over our shoulder? Ironically I thought about this subject while surfing the web, at work. When there is nothing to do, I just hang out and catch up on emails, and stuff. Is that unethical? Perhaps, but where I work no one seems to care as long as the job gets done. I'm sure that is the same justification millions of Americans use everyday to surf the web on the job.

Another note of interest: many employers are searching the web to find out information on employees or potential hires. Should those drunken pictures of you doing body shots at spring break be considered when your potential employer finds your myspace? Will your death metal tribute band ruin your chances at that big promotion? It is better to keep a low online profile and try to keep negative blogs from reaching management. Many have been dismissed from exaggerating and ranting about their job on the blog.

The moral of the story is: be safe.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

the birds

Alfred Hitchcock had a good idea when he made the movie "the birds." perhaps he was ahead of his time, but this film reflects a theme heard on television these days. This film shows the fight for human survival once the birds have decided to descend on mankind. People get their eyes pecked out. A woman screams as birds crash and die against the glass of a phone booth. Just as the genocide begins, it ends.

So bird flu is still in the headlines. This time it appears that a family in Indonesia contracted the disease from contaminated poultry. Six of the seven family members have died. Though still rare in humans, h5n1 has killed 124 people world wide according to (a quarter being in Indonesia). h5n1 is spreading around the globe- well, around the old world for the moment. Since the first cases were diagnosed in Asia a few years ago- reports of contaminated fowl has come from Indonesia, turkey, and as far east as France. Migratory swans and other birds are to blame for the spread of the disease around Europe. In response, farmers and health workers have disposed of thousands of birds to prevent further contamination. Experts are at odds when the flu may or may not hit the western hemisphere. It will most likely arrive from poultry smuggling or something human made (some say as early as next year or by 2008). Human to human infection is still tricky, and the h5n1 virus hasn't mutated enough to pandemic proportions... But it could.

The flu epidemic of 1918-19 killed 20 million people within a few months. That's worse than the bubonic plague that struck Europe in the 14th century. Health officials don't want to miss the ball with this new strain of bird flu. Its been talked about. Talk shows joke about it. There isn't enough Tamiflu to go around if it hits. So what are we going to do about it?

I believe the way to keep clear of h5n1 is to stay the heck away from birds, poultry, fowl, and any other stupid type of birds. platypuses and other Australian evolutionary mess-ups are ok. It seems like all these cases where bird flu supposedly has struck are poor argicultural communities. Even if an outbreak occurs, the communist government that controls them will cover it up. By the time the news spreads, all of the Tamiflu will have dried up. A definite defense against this illness is questionable at most. What can you really do? Wear one of those surgical masks? Back when SARS was around Asia, those masks became something of a fashion trend. You could buy those sterile masks in many colors and styles. I don't know if something like that would be marketable to a cheerleading squad or an overweight mid-western teen.

So until bird flu gets closer to the US, I'll stick with my mad cow beef and grow deaf from loud rock music.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006


i wrote a cool blog. then my browser crashed and sucked.

this blows.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

diet soda

Burger king has hit the nail on the head with their new commercial for the Texas Double Whopper called "Manthem." I don't know who's been in charge of advertising this past year, but burger king has had some great commercials. Give that man a raise. "Big Bucking Chicken" went on the air and I was mesmerised by a man in a chicken suit. Another ad shows a man dressed up as a king playing football or fake pushing a steel worker off a girder. Does the advertising work? I'm not sure. I've probably only been to burger king once this year. But I can't wait to watch their ads.

Along with better advertising BK has come up with some interesting menu items. Throwing caution to the wind, they've made the Enormous breakfast sandwich, the Meatnormous, and I saw a Triple Whopper (?!) on the menu the last time I went there. Critics of BK have argued that these items have no nutritional content and are a leading cause to obesity in the United States. They day that BK has no regard for American health. When a sandwich has over 900 calories is it too much? Is triple anything a good idea? many franchises are trying to or have cut down the calories and fat content in their menus to promote a healthier lifestyle. Since the movie "Super Size Me" showed us the consequences of eating greasy fast food, many having reevaluated what they eat at these restaurants. It seems that BK doesn't care about the statistics. If people like the food they make, then who cares what they force down their throats. But when your advertising jingle boasts eating "until my innie turns into an outie" does it really promote a positive message to the growing obese population in America?

good and bad

So why is president Bush's approval rating so low?

is it because of high oil prices?
is it because of phone taps after 9/11?
is it because hurricane katrina erased a major US city?
is it because he hates the national anthem sung in Spanish?
is it because he bombed Iraq?
is it because he never got international support for his little war in the middle east?
is it because he spread out our troops all over the globe?
is it because he nominated a chick for the supreme court that had little or no experience with law?
is it because his vice president shot someone?
is it because we need to secure our borders?
is it because he still believes there were WMD's in Iraq?
is it because he will continue to alienate himself from his party as well as the American people?
is it because no child is left behind?

I don't know what it is... But every time I tune into the news, or read the paper I see how his approval rating keeps sinking below the standard. How do they dig up those statistics anyway? Who and where do they poll to determine whether or not the president is doing a good job? And how much of the problems that we see on TV are related directly to the man from Texas? Does it really matter? I'm not too sure. I'm glad he was reelected for one reason: so I can laugh at his expense during late night talk shows and SaturdayNight Live.

Friday, May 19, 2006

good times

I guess I've been thinking a lot about food lately. I don't know why, but cooking again sounds like a fun thing to do. I've always wanted to at least have a side business catering parties or gatherings, but at the current time I lack the ability to do so. I'd also like to open up a pastry shop and specialty bakery someday... Probably when I'm old and there's nothing better to do. Its always good to think about what you want to do in life and then decide what you're going to do after. Some day I suppose.

enough about food. Yesterday I was up late looking for interesting programs or things on the internet. I found a number of music programs that I acquired in the late 90's that are now free (much to my amusement). Its interesting to see how things have changed on the web these days. Looking back only five or six years and it seems like the majority of the internet has been absorbed and digested in the mix. I spent the better part of the night looking for some fun stuff and this is what I found:
rubber duck
these programs were used in some of my earlier projects and musical experimentation. And I remember how cool these things were when I first saw them and now no one gives a crap.

I also ran into my friend's old site

I thought it was funny. I guess it just reminded me how funny I was back then. There's a lot of cool stuff out there on the internet. Go ahead. Waste a few hours.

Monday, May 15, 2006


Another long day at work. I guess I just make it hard on myself, arriving early for no reason, and because of technical difficulties leaving an hour late. I went out to eat tonight, and I'm sick of it. I'll be honest, I've been eating out too much. I don't have anything in my kitchen, so I have to go out and find something. I want to go to the grocery store and actually make something good to eat, but I never get around to it. I wish there was something good to eat around here.

I went to school to learn how to cook. Although I dropped out for reasons unknown, I know what to expect when I go out and try and eat something. I'm always looking for a new recipe to try out, and I just like to eat. I'm disappointed I guess. Maybe I'm not eating at the right places, but honest down to earth establishments are hard to come by. I'm not into the big conglomerate franchise-your-face type of place. I like to eat out at independently owned restaurants with unique and consistent food. When my food arrives and I stare down at my plate I want to see something that will excite me, and make me want to enjoy my food. Perhaps people are just used to less so they don't expect as much.

I made dinner for my family the other night, and even though I haven't cooked in a while I thought I did a good job. I made pasta and served it with a homemade simple Alfredo and chicken. Nothing too fancy- just simple good food. I know that something like that is labor intensive and if I went out to a restaurant and ordered something like that it would be expensive. But it was simple.

That's what's missing from most restaurants these days. Simplicity. Plates are overcrowded with food to satisfy our morbidly obese appetites. Refill after refill doesn't do anything to quench thirst. Most restaurants have the same menus that call the food by different descriptions. There's always a side of fries or salad. There's always a chocolate caramel brownie icecream dessert. As we get bigger and bigger food becomes less enjoyable and more of a way to satisfy our constant appetite for something quick and forgettable. What happens then?
chili's sounds pretty good.

I don't want to die.

I just want to eat.

Friday, May 12, 2006

eat it

Another day at work. The president of the credit union where I work took me and a bunch of my co-workers out to eat at P.F. Chang's. i'm not a big fan of Chinese food, but anything at that restaurant is pretty good, and when the boss is paying who gives a crap.

its funny to see who will just sit there and enjoy a nice meal over great conversation. Then there are some that would see this as an opportunity to kiss butt to the president of the company. I didn't really do either, but by the time dessert arrived I was sick of the banter. geeez.

I ate too much.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

done with what?

I've been working a lot lately. Since I started working at my new job I've been having a hard time getting anything done around the house. I'm tired when I get home and anything I had to do will have to wait because everything is pretty much closed at that time. Skip ahead a few hours and I have to return to work. an endless summer routine.

I guess I should get out more. I need something to do besides waiting by the mailbox everyday for my tax return. My website is coming along and should be done pretty soon. Besides all that, my time is taken. So why don't I feel like I've done anything?

I don't know. Tomorrow is my day off. I guess I should get out and do something.

Sunday, May 7, 2006

another episode

I think hunting shows are stupid. The last thing I need to see is an overweight middle-aged man sit on his butt in the middle of the forest luring animals within range of his gun. I guess that makes him "primal" or something. What makes this worse is the fact that people actually televise this crap and those too lazy to grab their guns and hunt actually watch it. That's entertainment.


Friday, May 5, 2006


So for the last 3 days I've been messing around on the computer making a website for some of the things I've done these past few years. I made a website for a computer science class I had about 6 years ago, but I haven't tried since then. I thought it would be fun to dig around the internet and see what I could come up with. Even though I have web software at my disposal I decided to come up with everything myself and write a chunky, boxy looking html site. I don't really care about the flashiness or the cool abilities other webpages have out there- I just want a simple stupid webpage.

So far its been hard, but I've put together a few pages that I hope to upload in a while. I'll admit it looks pretty sharp for not having done this before. Not too bad I guess. I just wish I had a better idea how to do this before I started.

html sucks.

Wednesday, May 3, 2006

late night

late night tv.

There is nothing like it. Television networks compete for a broader audience and lure viewers with musical groups and special guests. How many networks are there? 3? Does FOX count as a network? They all compete for more viewers, which equates to more money, and a better ability to advertise. And the only way anyone is going to grab my attention is through clever programming and subliminal advertising.

I've always liked David letterman. I've gone through phases of not caring too much for late night talk shows, but I've always liked Dave. I think its his witty gross humor that make him funny. He's always bothering people in NYC and messing with CBS interns. Paul and his band aren't that bad, and compared to other shows, Paul's band has evolved with Dave to become more of a staple to the show. Other late night talk shows have little if any relationship with the house band, with the exception of Conan O'Brien (I'll talk about him later).
so I like Dave's show, big deal. That must make me anti-Leno...

I don't hate Jay Leno. I think he hasn't changed much in the past few years. I can tune in to Leno's show and see the same crap I saw two years ago. His show's format has a few jems that are worth watching. jaywalking consistently proves how stupid Americans are, and the majority of his guests are up to par with whatever these late shows can come up with. If he was funny I'd watch his show, but I don't see the "grab factor" that I get with dave's show. So if I had a choice, I'd watch Dave. But the night is far from over.

The king of late night is Conan O'Brien. I don't care who you are, he rules the television after Leno is over. If I had a choice I would abolish all other talk shows and just have the Conan show. I feel bad for whoever shares the same time slot as conan, because I don't know who they are, and I obviously am not watching their program. Conan has credibility as a writer for other shows and his program is consistently unique and worth watching. His quirky behavior either terrifies his guests, or ads to the madness. His interesting personality is able to grab a wider audience from the polarized Leno/Dave battle. Conan rules.

Everything that comes on after Conan O'Brien is crap. I miss Craig Kilborn. While its true that the Daily Show is now John stewart's masterpiece, it was Kilborn that started it with his smart sarcasm. Even though the late late show wasn't the best show, it was a reason to keep watching television into the early morning. Carson Daly can kiss my butt. His show is a horrible excuse for a waste of time. Daly is one person I wish would be erased from television completely.

I'm tired.

Tuesday, May 2, 2006

better than tv

I'm working again, and I'm glad that I'm doing something more than just watching *M*A*S*H on tv or playing an endless stream of video games. I'm still waiting for another check from the government to help me pay off my credit card and get me started on a few things that I've thought of these past few weeks. It seems that I'm always thinking of something new to try on top of the growing list of things that I've already got. It keeps me busy and if I ever get around to finishing anything, then I'll feel pretty good.

I think its important to try new things every now and then. Maybe make something that you never thought possible before or learn to do something really complicated. Maybe its just me, but I enjoy the challenge. I don't finish everything I start, but I have fun doing things that make the time go by easier. Sometimes people just don't do enough.

I'm hungry. I'm going to eat something.

Sunday, April 30, 2006

music ideas

I don't like to sleep in anymore. I feel like my day is practically wasted if I don't wake up by 9 every morning. I don't see the point of sleeping for 13 hours if I can get by on just 5 or 6. I guess I just grew out of sleeping all day sometime a while ago. My girlfriend loves to sleep in and it doesn't bother me too much, but with the proper initiative you could actually accomplish something before 12 p.m. on a Saturday. Hmm... Imagine that.

I'm planning a new music endeavor this summer. I haven't started or finished anything musical in almost two years. I don't know why I feel the itch to do it again. I was talking to a friend of mine and we got to talking about some of the music ideas we had a few years back. This was probably inspired from the lack of interesting music in the local scene and the possibility of playing live again in a new local venue. Being financially able to do it this time, I want to be able to start a new music project that is different from anything I've ever done before. I've lost interest in other types of music and my general distaste for the radio and the emo/indie teenie bopper scene. This time I want to go back to my electronic music roots and make some noise. I'm really excited this time.

so I've started the slode project. Updates will be posted at:
  • when I figure out what I'm doing in the coming weeks. This is going to be very unorthodox. I'm planning on some unique recording and performance methods for this project. I think it will at least get a new sound out in the local scene. By the end of the summer I'll have a new disc of recordings, and I've planned some shows in the fall.

    along with my projects, I'm helping my friend with a disc of his songs. His new project is called the indecision and updates can be found at:
  • I think he's written some great music. I hate myspace but everyone has an account these days, and it takes two seconds to set up and get the music out. If anyone actually reads this they can follow these links or the links to the right and get the information.

    more will come, and I'll post more later.

    Saturday, April 29, 2006

    read books

    I haven't written anything in a long time. I guess I just never got around to it. Maybe I was too busy trying so hard not to do anything. There you go. I hit the nail on the head.

    I went to the local bookstore tonight. I like to walk around and look at people and read books for fun. The cafe/coffee place was crowded tonight, and since I don't like coffee I didn't try to sit down over there. Today I wasn't so interested in the people as much as I was in what kind of stuff everyone likes to read these days. I guess they finally decided to rearrange the best seller shelves, much to my amusement. There are a few titles that I looked for but couldn't find. Asking for help is asking too much. I'll go somewhere else next time.

    oh, and if you haven't read "The Da Vinci code" go hang yourself or consider yourself a lucky person. I guess predictable fiction is the popular thing these days. In my opinion Brown's earlier novel "Angels and Demons" was better, more interesting, and not as predictable... I guess since the movie comes out next month, Brown's publishers are squeezing the life out of anyone that hasn't read the stupid thing yet.

    magazines are all the same. All of the music mags have bands that I've never heard of on the covers. Everyone of them is too "emo" or "indie" for my taste. i'll just stick to downloading mp3's of obscure 90's alternative thank you very much. I'm so out of touch with the youth of today. I could care less.

    by the end of the night I just came home and put on a beatles record. I like simple music. All of it calms me down and keeps my mind off of anything that causes stress. I guess I'm just tired.

    Saturday, February 25, 2006

    yeah right

    Sometimes life is rough. Sometimes you never stop to think about all the good things that come your way until a string of bad luck makes you wonder. I would say that most people sooner or later have a bad day. Sometimes it feels like a page out of a book or a scene from a movie.

    I was late for work. When I came to a halt at the red light I knew that something was wrong. My car had sputtered and died and I was speechless. Turning the key didn't do much, and my car's engine struggled to turn. I tried this five or six more times and after a horrible noise my car came back to life. I wanted to make it to work on time. Today was like every other day. Coming to another stop I looked down at the oil pressure gauge to see it fall to nothing. My car dies again and to make matters worse there are 5 cars honking their horns impatiently behind me. Turning the key didn't help, my car struggled to turn on and it seemed like an endless row of cars had bypassed me angrily. As I sat there I almost laughed to myself, things like this happened to everyone. A guy pulled over and helped me push my car into the parking lot in front of my job and I was relieved to be a least out of the busy intersection.

    I knew this was going to happen. Bad things seem to creep up when you're in a hurry. I should have done something. During the past few weeks I've noticed the lack of fuel efficiency and even short trips to school and back would eat a serious chunk of gas. On top of that my car was so sluggish and noisy that it made me nervous to go anywhere. I can't blame the cold weather everything something goes wrong, but I think it had an effect on it. Today was like any other, I had to get to work on time.

    While I sat there in the parking lot trying to start my car, one of the guys that helped push me out of the road asked to see what was going on with my crappy car. We popped the hood, and he tried to start the car. After a few tries an loud bang shot out with a large black cloud from the tailpipe. This, on top of everything else, was the least of my worries.

    Being late to work I slipped into the backroom trying not to draw attention to myself. I had a valid excuse if anyone bothered to care. I geared up for another endless shift, and as I was about to begin I heard my name over the intercom. Something was up. I never like talking to my bosses, and frankly I didn't think they cared much about what I did at work so long as the job got done. I was used to being assigned useless tasks, and this was probably another chance for my boss to explain important employees principles. As I entered the office I realized it was a trap.

    Nothing says I love you like "we're laying you off."

    Thursday, February 23, 2006


    i hate

    i do.

    Tuesday, January 17, 2006

    shut up

    College level algebra teaches you many things. Mathematics, being a cumulative type of subject, requires that you remember everything that you learned from kindergarten up until the last time you attempted to pass another math class. Algebra is the one thing that state educators believe will help you start a business or earn your degree. Something about it defines a person, and being able to say you passed algebra to get your degree in communication says a lot. None of your teachers however will ever tell you the truth about algebra: it's useless. useless until you procreate and are forced to do your teenagers homework late Sunday night.

    So why am I forced to listen to captain-know-it-all ask question after inane question? Every class has one of these people. They ask so many questions to the point where it is useless for the teacher to even say anything. I can tell that my professor is getting aggravated about it. I think that the entire class despises the interruptions.

    I'll just sit back and watch the show begin. . .

    Tuesday, January 3, 2006

    stop sign #2

    The second you arrive at Traffic School, you know you're in for a long night. Most of the chairs or rows in the back are overflowing with people that have the look of disgust on their faces. Eye contact of any kind is not permitted. My best bet is a seat located near the exit for a clean get away once the lesson is over. Getting comfortable doesn't help much, because these classes are designed to either scare you or make you sick, so that you never go ten over the limit or forget to use your blinker ever again.

    This is what happens: Officer so and so swaggers through the door and announces that the regular officer that usually teaches the class is out for the evening with what ever problem he can think of. And usually the officer opens the night with some questions if any. This is where the trouble begins. From the start of class it is evident that this situation has put too many people that cannot coexist with each other in the same room. For the convenience of someone who has never been to traffic school I'll break it down:

    The Obnoxious I know everything I shouldn't be here type. These people are perfect drivers and should never have been pulled over in the first place, based soley on the fact that they try to answer ever question correctly. More than once they try to justify their moving infraction and try to get out of the two to three hour class. These people are usually cell phone gabbers and cutter offers on the freeway who feel that their rights have been violated.

    The Quiet, let's get this over with type. The everyday person who was probably in a hurry to get somewhere, lost track of how fast they were going, or how many stop signs they've ignored. While in traffic school they show little if any effort in discussion because they just want to get it over with. Most normal people fall into this category including myself.

    The Mad woman. This woman feels like she never did anything wrong in the first place and that every police officer is a liar and a betrayer to American society. This frazzled woman would probably rather spend the night screaming at her kids than take traffic school. Most often she is patiently asked to calm down or shut her mouth during the course of class.

    This person should not be driving a motorized vehicle person. Usually an old grandmother, this person constantly answers questions wrong, and really wrong at that. For example, one time during class this old woman tried to explain to the rest of the class how a four way stop worked in her mind. Apparently each car was supposed to go one at a time in opposite order. I remeber looking around the class with the same puzzled expression as everyone else. The officer had to stop her from embarrassing herself any further. This person likes to smile at everyone in the room as if we are her adopted grandchildren, while unfortunately never paying attention to what is being taught.

    The rest of the class is mad up of combinations of these elements. As class goes on it becomes apparent that the police officer teaching the class is either trying to scare you with gruesome statistics or grossing you out with slides of fatal traffic accidents. By the time you start to leave, you either want to throw up or never drive again. Since this last time was my third time in traffic school, none of this phased me and I was left to let my mind wander. My lack of concentration was cut short from the woman who had just sat down behind me. It started slowly, but grew. She was breathing so loud. It was as if someone had cut her nose off and sentenced her to breathe like a horse. I could no longer hear what the officer was saying through the wheezing and sniffing that I actually plugged my ears. The thought of sitting through another three hours of traffic school was nothing compared to the torture of heavy breathing lady.

    Needless to say I will never. Ever. Speed again.