Saturday, November 25, 2006


A common belief in Utah Valley: Once you pass the Point of the Mountain you step into another world. A wicked, evil, world. Despite blindly unified political convictions, most folks in YewTawh believe where you went to school defines who you are. I'm not really talking about any particular University here, it goes deeper than that- High Schools, Elemetary schools... Bragging rights are more important than diplomas or degrees, and having the right Alma matter is all that matters.

For example: If someone asks, "Dude, uh.. where did you go to high school?"

The Correct answer would be "Lonepeak or Skyline High," NOT "American Fork or Lehi."

Being taught at such a crappy school is a stigma that lasts forever, so fibbing about where you went is more important. Inventing a high school with a cool name could work too, as long as no one can recognize it. If all else fails just say "Mountain View High" because every state has like 10 of 'em, and even if the person asking went to a Mountain View High, they won't recognize you now because you're so fat. Instead of agonizing over who went where, the more important question is "What the heck did you learn?" or "Are you a complete idiot?!"

Rivalries can tear families apart- so picking a neutral school like UVSC, Weber, or Snow can help. These schools have no real sports programs or rivalries to worry about. The only reason people go to these schools is so they can transfer to BYU or the U at a later time. Even if there were a team or something to brag about, with a record of 1-12 who would care? Not BYU. Not the U.

Don't go to the U. Don't believe what the Y tells you. Its just a game. Get over it.

Wednesday, November 22, 2006


My wife is violently ill. Its probably food poisoning from this fake Mexican restaurant up the road. I don't even know why she likes to eat there. I don't know why she likes to eat out- she always orders the same simple salad with a small side of ranch. It doesn't matter what style of restaurant we eat at... Its always the same salad. I don't think its E-coli. Lets be honest, she'd be dead by now. But I have the incredible opportunity of taking care of all the chores that we have hanging around here. The dishes can wait... I have laundry to do.

I don't do the laundry, apparently when I got married that job was delegated to my wife. I got all the sucky jobs like:

1. Dish detail
2. Garbage removal
3. Sweeping
4. Cleaning Toilets
5. Insect removal
6. Snack Maker
7. Accountant
8. Car washer
9. Computer Specialist
10. Personal Masseur

and the list goes on...

I don't care about doing the laundry. But I'm not as particular as Natalie with my clothes. In my opinion you can just wad up some clothes that kinda have the same color and wash 'em. Supposedly you can't do that with girl clothes. I'm sure that it doesn't really matter. Oh well. I'm not the one who turned all of my white shirts pink (I was so pissed).

I don't know how mush longer I can take this whole sick thing...

Wednesday, November 15, 2006


I'm asleep. It was really early in the morning and I hear that Natalie got up to get a drink. No big deal, and in my comatose state I really couldn't tell if she were a robber, a robot, or what. I was really tired. I'm asleep and I turn over and then I feel something. I was like... "Hmmm... hey... what's that?" I swear I've felt that feeling before... Then I was like... "Hey... that feels like something sharp... no.. wait... its something... really... COLD!!"

My thoughts went back to a time when I was camping up in the Sawtooth mountains in Idaho. We had pitched a camp around 10000 ft. and there was still a lot of snow up there considering it was summer. My tent was really cold that night and as I got into my sleeping bag I pushed my feet down to the bottom of the sleeping bag. It really felt like I was dipping my feet into a frozen lake of death because the bottom half of the bag was wet. I was cold and miserable the entire night.

As I sat there in bed and realized what was happening I turned around and felt the bed... cold and wet. Apparently Natalie had gone to get some water to drink and then she brought the cup with her in bed and promptly fell asleep! She turned over and dumped the whole cup of ice water down my back leaving a small lake of water where I should have been sleeping!

"Hey!! There's water here!!!"

"What? Huh? Oh.... sorry."

"There a puddle of water in the bed!!!!"

I'm still mad. I don't think I'll ever let this one down.

Monday, November 13, 2006


A couple days ago...

The smell from the kitchen wouldn't go away. Weeks of dirty dishes were piled up high in the sink and around the kitchen counter tops. Mold and bacteria were enjoying a unimaginable lifespan that made a furry metropolis from a saucepan of leftover sauce, or possibly soup or something. Aerosol spray that masked the odor was useless, it was quickly over powered by the smell of rotting dishes. I'm not sure how we neglected to do the dishes, but after work and school both of us were really tired and scrubbing putrid sticky food off of dishes was the last thing either of us wanted to do.

I got creative as our clean dish supply started to diminish. We bought paper plates and cups that replaced the dirty ones in the sink. Measuring bowls and spoons were used for cereal. Cups were used as bowls, and I rarely made trips to the kitchen. We started to eat out more. Ignoring the problem would make it disappear. My wife would gag and fake barf every time she stepped into the kitchen and vowed never to return again. I admit, either some poor animal had the misfortune of getting trapped under a pile of dishes in the sink, or the smell was either getting worse.

Scraping green fuzzy mold from anything will make your nose start to twitch. It was bittersweet to watch an entire bacteria colony get washed down the drain. I'm sure if I had a microscope I'd probably be able to see some cool looking mold formations, and all sorts of interesting stuff that makes my wife barf. Though the dishes are all clean now, I'm sure there will be more opportunities to watch bacterial worlds collide in the near future.

Thursday, November 9, 2006


I voted. Yes.. I voted during this Midterm Election, not because I wanted to, but because my wife made me. It was a sad election for the GOP, and the Democrats have taken control of both houses of Congress. Republican's are kicking themselves now...

Those electronic voting machines aren't as bad as the media makes them out to be. I'm sure it'll take a few elections before they work out all the bugs or until a virus totally destroys voting results. I can't really see how someone would be able to tamper with election results, but hey- that's always been part of Democracy. I put my wife's name as a write in candidate six times because most of the local elections had no opposition. That's pure Democracy in action right there.

I'm a registered red Republican, and that's why I wasn't surpised by the outcome of the election that much. The Demos have their cake- let them eat it. I'm actually glad that there was a big ol' change over there in Washington D.C. The icing on the cake was Rumsfeld's resignation as Secretary of Defense. Wham! It makes me laugh that insurgent groups in Iraq claim that they made Rumsfeld resign... ??? Did they vote too? Bad people that vote? That's an Axis of Evil.

I glad there's change. But I'm sick of seeing Nancy what's her face on the Tv all the time.