D&D

I found a D&D character generator and this is what happened:

Garit the Wizard

Male Human Evoker lvl. 3

Neutral Good

Representing Garit Heaton

Strength13(+1)

Dexterity17(+3)

Constitution13(+1)

Intelligence16(+3)

Wisdom12(+1)

Charisma15(+2)

Size:Medium

Height:5' 9"

Weight:125 lb

Eyes: Hazel

Hair: Dark Brown

Skin: Pale (Pasty White)

Total Hit Points: 13

Speed: 30 feet

Languages: Common, Dwarven, Apple OS, Linux, Windows.

Zero-level Evoker spells: 4 per day

First-level Evoker spells: 3 (2 + 1) per day

Second-level Evoker spells: 2 (1 + 1) per day

Garit the Wizard's Equipment:

Flip Flops of Power

Computer chip necklace of Intelligence +1

Backpack

Hammock

Blanket

winter x1Candle

Grappling hook

Ink vial

Ink pen

LED flashlight

Signet ring

Alchemist lab

Disguise kit

Magnifying glass

Spell component pouch

Spellbook x1

Chunk of green rock

Thieves' tools

Tools (miscellaneous) x1

More about Garit the Wizard:

Garit is a wizard. He fixes computers. He eats blended fruits and juices for breakfast. Garit was struck by lightning, which caused his patchy goatee to grow into a mighty beard. His FlipFlops of Power grant + 1 spellpower.

massage

Body massage?!

Every month my work springs for a person to come by and give the employees massages. I refuse every ime. I have weird personal space issues and think that people that get paid to touch other people is kinda like prostitution and strange at the same time. Everyone at work signs up for it, but I will not.

mad max

A nuclear holocaust reduces society to its brutal beginnings. Men ride through the desert on motorcycles looking for fuel. Mel Gibson. 1980's. The series that raised the bar for the post apocalyptic genre of movies. I want a Mad Max marathon.

wednesday.

The girl I work with went crazy with some Lysol. She then went to eat her oatmeal and found that she had sprayed it as well. I laughed at her.

commercial

I'm a little bugged by a commercial I keep seeing on various channels throughout the day. 

It isn't the True North Nut commercial that changed it's dialog from "Nut Snack" to just "Snack". Evidently people thought (myself included) that at the end of the commercial it said "nut sack". But they changed it so its ok. 

I'm talking about the commericals from the Corn Refiners Association that ususally show some ignorant teen chowing down on some food and then his know-it-all friend is like, "Huh.. dude... uh.. you know that food is full of that... you know... bad stuff." Before he can finish, the ignorant one interrupts him with "DUDE. Shut your ugly mouth. High Fructose Corn Syrup is just as safe as sugar and is perfectly fine in moderation... #$&@$ idiot." By then his friend feels dumb and either wets his pants and walks away, or something else I don't remember. *

Come on. Really? Go in your cupboard, look at the ingredients of whatever you are eating or drinking and you will see that high fructose corn syrup is probably in there somewhere. What the Corn Refiners Association isn't telling you that everything you eat is derived from Corn. The meat, the dairy, the candy, the soda... You can't get away from it. There is no possible way to escape high fructose corn syrup, unless you are a hermit,  lack a mouth or stomach, or eat dirt like garit. 

I'm not against high fructose corn syrup, I actually embrace the stuff (remember that 6lb. bag of gummi bears I got for my birthday? Oh yes, that was awesome) . I just think its pretty lame of the Corn Refiners Association to tell everyone that they'll honestly be able to eat any amount of high fructose corn syrup in moderation. That's a joke. 

*Note: I'm like really exaggerating here. For reals.

quick post

I was thinking of this when I drove to work this morning. I had to get gas and I had to keep checking my mirrors for something. Some of my worst fears:

1. Driving away from the gas station with the hose or nozzle still attached and/or the gas tank door open. I can never remember if I actually put the cap on and shut the tank door properly. I've gone so far as to get out and check. I even think that I sometimes still have the hose connected, and that gas is probably spraying all over the Chevron.

2. Dropping my keys down a storm drain. I instinctively reach into my pockets to protect my keys every time I walk around or over a storm drain. What would I do if it actually happened?! Would I have to jump down in the muck and find them myself? That would be a nightmare.

3. Being accused of Shoplifting*. I always get nervous looking at those small black security cameras at Walmart or any store and I keep thinking, "They're watching me... They're watching me..." When I leave a store I always picture the alarms going off, and a sweaty bald man grabbing my arm telling me that he knows what I did. For some odd reason I get the same feeling from Librarians.



*Note: I don't steal.

flyer

september

The internets have abandoned me, but I have returned.

Some updates:

Took my old computer apart, and inherited another. I use a laptop running Win98SE for school. People give me weird looks behind their chrome Macbook Pros, and wonder "What is that?!" I'm sure when Win98 was new that they were probably just leaving the 6th grade. I'm collecting old DOS games to ease the tension. Play Nethack. Google it. My telepathic caveman died on the 7th level.

I'm becoming more irrelevant everyday. No one understands my jokes at work, and they probably see me as a modern version of a village idiot. I'm waiting for the deus ex machina to come down from the ceiling to fix the situation, and save me from ending my own life.

School is going along. This semester isn't as hard as the last few I've had. I should probably be reading a book right now. I've got like 12 I should be reading. I read during my lunch breaks, and when I'm zoning out in class.

Autopilot: When everything is replaced in a blur and loss of any recollection of time and space occurs. It happens when I'm driving... I come home or arrive at school and don't remember how I got there. Autopilot hits when I'm sitting in class, staring at something and realize that class is already over, and I don't remember anything.

I've picked a topic for my thesis. I'm going to study the southwestern expedition of Francisco Vasquez de Coronado. When I told Nat she told me that I was boring. Come on! They made it to freaking KANSAS! Nat rolled her eyes. Right now I'm trying to find some sources to help me research the topic, and form a thesis that I will work on for the next year or so.

There's a new sandwich place a block away from our condo. They opened up about a week ago, and the buzz was that they were pretty good. I demand quality from any sandwich so we had to go down and try it out. I ate a prosciutto and provolone on ciabatta bread. It was great. We walked to reduce our carbon footprint. Somewhere across the infinite expanse of space I thought I could hear a polar bear laughing at us.

We're planning a trip to the Dugway geode beds. In a couple of weeks we are going to the middle of nowhere to dig up geodes and crack 'em open. I'm sure garit knows how geodes are made: there's a little button on the side of his hover_science_jector that creates them. When pressed it ejects a perfect HD geode by the power of science. They melt in your mouth, not it your hands.

Am I taking crazy pills?! Am I the only one that sees the word GIMMICK stamped across Sarah Palin's forehead? Its like a bad movie and Macaulay Culkin is there, and you know that all logic left the room, and you leave the theater thinking, "I paid $8.50 for that?!". Yes! You did!

People talk too loud.