Tuesday, November 29, 2005

stop sign

Some things weren't meant to be fun. Being pulled over in front of everyone in a crowded neighborhood is one of those things. Police officers around here really have nothing better to do, because the crime rate is comparably lower than the national average. Justifying speeding in a residential area is traffic suicide, especially when your speedometer doesn't work. So I'm used to hearing the phrase "I was going to give you a warning, but since you were going 15 mph over the limit there is little I can do." then the officer goes to his car for twenty minutes to fill out papers. While he's in the car any number of friends, work associates, and family members that have never dropped by inevitably will. The fun doesn't stop there. In order to preserve a clean driving record you must be subjected to what is known as traffic school...

"it might not be worth it" I thought, when I pulled into the police station. The directions were hard to read and I wasn't sure what I was up against. When I try to explain myself to the woman behind the desk, she looks at me and asks if I had received the other paper from the other courthouse in another building on the the other side of town. Nope guess not.

I always get caught speeding when I'm pissed at something. In this case, the Department of Motor Vehicles. They had messed up the name on the title to my truck and I was gearing up for battle when I saw flashing lights in my rearview. I didn't know where to pull over so I stopped in front of the exit to the DMV. No one could get out of the parking lot. Cars began to pile up as the officer went through the usual motions. I didn't care. It was not the best day ever.

at the court house I had a hard time finding a place to park. When I tried to go through the metal detector at the door, the officer told me I had to take my cell phone back to my car because it was capable of taking pictures of the holiest of holies in that particular building. Went back, took the elevator up and saw a room of miserable people. After waiting and waiting I was ushered into a room where this lady was typing furiously on a computer. After looking me up and down a few times she told me I was able to purchase the piece of paper that granted me the right to go back to the police station and pay even more money to the state. And I always thought that traffic school was the easier alternative.

to be continued...

Wednesday, November 16, 2005


The following is a list of songs that will be included in the soundtrack to the movie of my life:

1. "Don't stop Believing" by Journey
2. "Pictures of You" by the Cure
3. "Tiny Dancer" by Elton John
4. "Movin' Out, (Anthony's Song)" by Billy Joel
5. "Just What I Needed" by the Cars
6. "Don't look Back in Anger" by Oasis
7. "Just" by Radiohead
8. "Get Back" by The Beatles
9. "Mr. Blue Sky" by ELO
10. "Bloody Well Right" by Supertramp

These are a few of the songs that will be included. I wanted an older rock sound for this film because it's my life and I can make the movie how ever the freak I want to.

Go out and listen to them.

Wednesday, November 2, 2005

this just in

Sometimes I think that people don't realize how stupid they look on television. Everything you see that reporter on location at the scene of an accident or a sporting event, there is always that dufus in the background flashing gang signs or making a strange face. Some people believe that when you turn a video camera on it makes someone a different ugly person. I don't know why.

I think that the most blatant misuse of televised stupidity comes from talk shows and The Price is Right. I don't know if comparing Jerry Springer to Bob Barker is even possible, but the people they deal with would qualify them as referees of a different drum. If winning a car means you can run around a sound stage screaming and waving your arms, be my guest. If your man is sleeping with other men to get money for drugs, you can hit him with a chair. Its ok. Television lets you do this. There is an overwhelming desire to see this type of behavior on television. The Nielson ratings prove this. I don't condone this behavior, but it's fun to watch.

the next time I'm on TV I'm going to lift up my shirt and make ugly faces. Because I can.