self portraits

 I found some drawings I made not too long ago. They are self portraits while I worked away at my old job. 

 They all generally reflect an attitude of boredom and frustration I felt at the time. 

This last picture defines the many different moods one can feel during the day. There's a range of emotions felt based on the how things change from minute to minute. I suppose its just electricity and chemicals mixing around in the brain.

running

I ran another 5k yesterday. It was the biggest 5k I've ever ran, with thousands of people running and thousands of people passing me by. It was hot and I wasn't sure how I would do because I haven't been able to "train" for it. Who trains for a 5k? With all the stuff that I've been doing around here, I haven't been able to get out and run like I wanted to.

So I ran. I started off ok, and then started to taper off around mile 2. the first mile was great, but after that I run out of steam. It happens every time. I feel like I can keep going, but I just start to slow down. Everyone started to pass me. I'm just not a good runner.

I did cut off a minute from my PR though, which doesn't sound like much but considering  how bad my PR actually is, but I think it was pretty good. There was a hill towards the finish and that slowed me down. If the course was a little flatter, I think that I would have taken more time off.

It looks like I end up cutting between thirty seconds to a minute every time I run a 5k. If I keep up at that pace and keep working at it, it will just take me fifteen more 5ks to run competitively. Is it mathematical? I don't know. And I need to run faster. About twice as fast as I do right now.

We'll see how I do next year.

Summer Time

small list of stuff I want to do this summer:

1. Go camping somewhere. Build a fire. Cook something and eat it. Come back home smelling like camp fire smoke.

2. Metal detect stuff. I want to find treasure... one quarter at a time. There are some specific places I plan to visit.

3. Go around town and take pictures of stuff. I've got a camera... why not? I've got a list of things I want to shoot. It might be cool.

4. Read some books.... and actually finish them. Working on Terry Brooks' Sword of Shannara series. A Revolutionary war book. Archaeology textbook. A Roman history book. A Lewis and Clark journal.... and the list goes on.

5. More tiny lands. I like where this is going. If only I were a little more consistent to my posting schedule.

6. Get a job. I'm applying. I'm just waiting for someone to actually call me back. I'm available. really.

7. Celebrate my 5th anniversary. I don't know what we're going to do, but I think it will be awesome.

8. Build something (To be determined).

9. Run more 5ks. Beat my PR.

10. Make music. For reals.

more of the same

I'm working on some tiny lands right now. I'm getting more ambitious with it... because I'm kinda bored drawing the same things over and over.

I'm probably half way done cleaning off my desk so I can start a small music project that I've been twittering about over there. The biggest obstacle to any music project has always been a messy desk and video games. With a few final things out of the way, I should be able to hook up some syths, my gameboy, bass, and iPad into my mixer and see what happens. If anyone reads this blog wants to hear some older stuff I made years ago you can tab over to whitehairboy.tumblr.com and there are a few of my latest (ahem) tunes there.

Other than that... I went to DI and picked up a nice putter. Kevin is putting together a Master's Tournament at the local mini golf place. Winner gets a GREEN JACKET. I've set up my indoor course in preparation.

Hey

Having my blog marked private meant that it was even private from me... Blah blah blah.

So it isn't anymore. But I can't guarantee that i'll blog as often as I used to.

I've been working on tiny lands, and given the simple nature of sticky note art, I've been able to keep up a steady Monday, Wednesday, Friday posting schedule. We'll see how it goes.

Fixing stuff around the house. Going to put in flooring and refinish my kitchen cupboards. Can't wait.

Working on an awesome podcast this week. Go to desertbears.com for our latest 'casts.

birfday

I had a great birthday. Natalie surprised me by taking the day off of work and we went to the zoo. It was awesome. I got a chance to take some pictures of some funny animals. Some of them turned out pretty awesome.

I think we were lucky that many of the animals were active, or being fed when we were there. Sometimes you go to the zoo and all you see is a tail sticking out from a rock, and a sign explaining what the animal should look like in its natural habitat. I feel bad that the zoo is so small for some of these animals. They need room to run!

My birthday was awesome. Camden had lots of fun looking at the animals. Natalie and I went out to eat and had a great day. I love my family.

quick note.

Working on a blog here.

I set my ipod to shuffle, and I'm surprised to hear the results. I'll usually listen to random stuff until I hear something that I like. This time it was Yes. Progressive rock. Freaking awesome.

Been drawing some doodles that I probably will never scan in, but they look very Hanna Barbera-esque. I like the cartoony way that those old characters from the 1960's looked.

Now in all seriousness:

I wrote this blog entry on Feb. 04 but I didn't have the guts to post it.

"I feel like I should be writing music... but my guitar is in a million pieces. I have great ideas, but I can never seem to find enough time to act on them.

Its really hard to explain how weird I feel sometimes. I have a hard time focusing. It feels like I'm being torn in many directions and I can't dedicate enough time to one thing at a time. Or when I do find a way to focus on something, it becomes my focus for days. When I start something I rarely finish. I have four or five books on my desk that I've started or plan to start and I can't do it. I just can't do it.

I lose track of time too. I can be watching tv or trying to fix something in my office and before I know it three or four hours have flown by without anything to show for it. I feel like I'm losing to the clock. Days are going by too fast and time itself is something that I can't seem to hold on to. And for some reason, last year it seemed like it was getting worse.

I wonder how long it will take me to put my guitar back together?"

Tomorrow I'm going to see someone about (what I suspect to be) ADD. I've looked at the symptoms and I've been in denial... saying "This is how I've always been" or "I don't want them to change me." or whatever. I've struggled with really weird things all of my life, and while some may blame laziness, or fears, or other things... I think something else might be going on here. I feel like I need help, and my wife has urged me to do this. I honestly haven't really thought about it, I kinda want to just show up so I don't over-think this.

crap

I can't sleep because I keep thinking about all those job interviews I screwed up because I was nervous or just too excited to be there. I tend to say awesomely stupid things in interviews and then hear back a few days later that I "wasn't selected" or "we went with another candidate" or something to that effect. I don't know what my deal is, and I have only myself to blame really.

I missed a job that would have probably fixed everything a while back... and it still bugs me. Things would really be different now, but I guess I'll never know.

I'm finally getting over my sickness. Geez, it's been like two weeks of feeling like a zombie.

Now I'm just waiting.