Hey

Having my blog marked private meant that it was even private from me... Blah blah blah.

So it isn't anymore. But I can't guarantee that i'll blog as often as I used to.

I've been working on tiny lands, and given the simple nature of sticky note art, I've been able to keep up a steady Monday, Wednesday, Friday posting schedule. We'll see how it goes.

Fixing stuff around the house. Going to put in flooring and refinish my kitchen cupboards. Can't wait.

Working on an awesome podcast this week. Go to desertbears.com for our latest 'casts.

birfday

I had a great birthday. Natalie surprised me by taking the day off of work and we went to the zoo. It was awesome. I got a chance to take some pictures of some funny animals. Some of them turned out pretty awesome.

I think we were lucky that many of the animals were active, or being fed when we were there. Sometimes you go to the zoo and all you see is a tail sticking out from a rock, and a sign explaining what the animal should look like in its natural habitat. I feel bad that the zoo is so small for some of these animals. They need room to run!

My birthday was awesome. Camden had lots of fun looking at the animals. Natalie and I went out to eat and had a great day. I love my family.

quick note.

Working on a blog here.

I set my ipod to shuffle, and I'm surprised to hear the results. I'll usually listen to random stuff until I hear something that I like. This time it was Yes. Progressive rock. Freaking awesome.

Been drawing some doodles that I probably will never scan in, but they look very Hanna Barbera-esque. I like the cartoony way that those old characters from the 1960's looked.

Now in all seriousness:

I wrote this blog entry on Feb. 04 but I didn't have the guts to post it.

"I feel like I should be writing music... but my guitar is in a million pieces. I have great ideas, but I can never seem to find enough time to act on them.

Its really hard to explain how weird I feel sometimes. I have a hard time focusing. It feels like I'm being torn in many directions and I can't dedicate enough time to one thing at a time. Or when I do find a way to focus on something, it becomes my focus for days. When I start something I rarely finish. I have four or five books on my desk that I've started or plan to start and I can't do it. I just can't do it.

I lose track of time too. I can be watching tv or trying to fix something in my office and before I know it three or four hours have flown by without anything to show for it. I feel like I'm losing to the clock. Days are going by too fast and time itself is something that I can't seem to hold on to. And for some reason, last year it seemed like it was getting worse.

I wonder how long it will take me to put my guitar back together?"

Tomorrow I'm going to see someone about (what I suspect to be) ADD. I've looked at the symptoms and I've been in denial... saying "This is how I've always been" or "I don't want them to change me." or whatever. I've struggled with really weird things all of my life, and while some may blame laziness, or fears, or other things... I think something else might be going on here. I feel like I need help, and my wife has urged me to do this. I honestly haven't really thought about it, I kinda want to just show up so I don't over-think this.

crap

I can't sleep because I keep thinking about all those job interviews I screwed up because I was nervous or just too excited to be there. I tend to say awesomely stupid things in interviews and then hear back a few days later that I "wasn't selected" or "we went with another candidate" or something to that effect. I don't know what my deal is, and I have only myself to blame really.

I missed a job that would have probably fixed everything a while back... and it still bugs me. Things would really be different now, but I guess I'll never know.

I'm finally getting over my sickness. Geez, it's been like two weeks of feeling like a zombie.

Now I'm just waiting.

watch

The Vernal Equinox.

whoa

I've been sick.

I was let go.

Now I'm at home.

Go to tinylands.blogspot.com to see landscapes that I drew when I had a job.

I'll be posting some small drawings there.

Post-its.

blog

Bloggering from work. I don't even care if big brother is watching.

I'm tired.

The suits at work showed up this morning. They're the kind of guys that get paid way too much for what they do, and they spend the rest of their time chainsmoking or getting their butts kissed. Big deal you collect cars. I collect magic cards and NES games. I can't wait for all of this lame business at work to end, I'm really stressed out about whether or not I'll even have this stupid job anymore. I'm still waiting to hear back from everyone else I applied to.

It gets discouraging when I bomb interviews. I feel awesome and confident, but thinking back I wonder what the crap I was saying back there. I remember physically biting my tongue to keep myself from rambling. If there was a rewind/erase button I would have pushed it by now.

So I'm starting to lie on job applications. See if that will increase the odds a little. I've been told that it is the only way to get around some of the automated gatekeeper programs that filter out crap applications. Problem is with the sheer volume of applications I send, that I forget what jobs I've applied for, if they ever get back to me. Still kinda sucks when I get those automated rejection letters. No, what really sucks is "Although you were not selected for this particular position, we encourage you to continue checking back and to apply for other jobs for which you qualify. Best wishes for your success." What the heck kind of #$%*@ is that?

I've been stripping the paint off of my electric guitar. I'm going to paint it orange. The chemical process has made the old paint a sticky toxic mess, like gross melted marshmallow sludge. While I had my doubts, the stuff actually worked, but I've got a huge mess to clean up. Ugh. I have to reconnect all the wires later... which means I'll probably screw it up. oh well. I haven't soldered anything in a while, so I'm probably a little rusty. It isn't rocket science.

I'm repainting my guitar so I can start another attempt at the RPM challenge. February is the month to make and record an album, much like November was for novel writing (I didn't finish my book, but I managed to write a lot). I've had some ideas for music for a long time... but besides a few demos and small recordings, I haven't really done much for about... geez... three or four years now? crap. Stay tuned.

I'm still tired.

Head over to desertbears.com if you want to listen to our podcast about stuff. We talk about weird crap. I think it is kinda funny.

Stuff

I've been too lazy to blogger.

Having fun with nat and camden.

Working on a podcast with garit and mark.

Going to paint my guitar orange.

Looking for a new job.

Going to apply to grad school.

Too much nintendo is a bad thing. Need a break.

Hope to have fun over this long weekend. Should be awesome.

Tired.... So sleepy....