birfday

I had a great birthday. Natalie surprised me by taking the day off of work and we went to the zoo. It was awesome. I got a chance to take some pictures of some funny animals. Some of them turned out pretty awesome.

I think we were lucky that many of the animals were active, or being fed when we were there. Sometimes you go to the zoo and all you see is a tail sticking out from a rock, and a sign explaining what the animal should look like in its natural habitat. I feel bad that the zoo is so small for some of these animals. They need room to run!

My birthday was awesome. Camden had lots of fun looking at the animals. Natalie and I went out to eat and had a great day. I love my family.

quick note.

Working on a blog here.

I set my ipod to shuffle, and I'm surprised to hear the results. I'll usually listen to random stuff until I hear something that I like. This time it was Yes. Progressive rock. Freaking awesome.

Been drawing some doodles that I probably will never scan in, but they look very Hanna Barbera-esque. I like the cartoony way that those old characters from the 1960's looked.

Now in all seriousness:

I wrote this blog entry on Feb. 04 but I didn't have the guts to post it.

"I feel like I should be writing music... but my guitar is in a million pieces. I have great ideas, but I can never seem to find enough time to act on them.

Its really hard to explain how weird I feel sometimes. I have a hard time focusing. It feels like I'm being torn in many directions and I can't dedicate enough time to one thing at a time. Or when I do find a way to focus on something, it becomes my focus for days. When I start something I rarely finish. I have four or five books on my desk that I've started or plan to start and I can't do it. I just can't do it.

I lose track of time too. I can be watching tv or trying to fix something in my office and before I know it three or four hours have flown by without anything to show for it. I feel like I'm losing to the clock. Days are going by too fast and time itself is something that I can't seem to hold on to. And for some reason, last year it seemed like it was getting worse.

I wonder how long it will take me to put my guitar back together?"

Tomorrow I'm going to see someone about (what I suspect to be) ADD. I've looked at the symptoms and I've been in denial... saying "This is how I've always been" or "I don't want them to change me." or whatever. I've struggled with really weird things all of my life, and while some may blame laziness, or fears, or other things... I think something else might be going on here. I feel like I need help, and my wife has urged me to do this. I honestly haven't really thought about it, I kinda want to just show up so I don't over-think this.

crap

I can't sleep because I keep thinking about all those job interviews I screwed up because I was nervous or just too excited to be there. I tend to say awesomely stupid things in interviews and then hear back a few days later that I "wasn't selected" or "we went with another candidate" or something to that effect. I don't know what my deal is, and I have only myself to blame really.

I missed a job that would have probably fixed everything a while back... and it still bugs me. Things would really be different now, but I guess I'll never know.

I'm finally getting over my sickness. Geez, it's been like two weeks of feeling like a zombie.

Now I'm just waiting.