soda

I was thirsty. I had just woken up from a spontaneous nap. I've never really craved a big freaking soda, but I wanted one. BAD. So I jumped in the car, drove down the road, and went to Harts.

Ah Harts... A gas station the gods bestowed upon smalltown Utah. As I pulled up the street I noticed that gas prices have gone up 20 cents since the last time I filled gas. I got out of the car and went inside the door.

What stuck me was the crowd of people coming and going. I went up to the fountain and decided that yes, a 64 oz. drink would be the only option. I figured I could use the huge plastic cup for something else later. After filling up my drink and one for my wife I balanced the drinks carefully and went over to find some lids and a straw long enough to handle the extreme awesomeness of 64 oz. of soda. More people come in. They all go to the fountain and grab sodas. I overheard a conversation:

"... Hi, I haven't seen you in awhile."

"Yeah, I came home from practice and my mom was like, "get me a diet soda now!" so I came right over"

I went over to find some chips and saw more people come in and out of the station. Every one of them went to the fountain. As I paid the cashier and left, I noticed a long line of kids and parents about to pay for their drinks.

On the way home I realized that we were all victims of Hart's subliminal messages. Messages that have throbbed silently throughout town for years, brainwashing the people. Whenever I ask my wife where we should get a drink, she always says Hart's. As I left the station tonight I knew that I was already a silent drone of Hart's fountain drink army. All the kids I saw, and all their parents, we were all silent cogs in the robotic machine. This is a frightening conspiracy.

All of this came to me as I drank my soda. I'll probably have to pee like 8 times tonight. But I don't care, it is a small price to pay.